Day 1: PN23

Today, I said NO to:

Overextending myself. I took extra naps because even though I had ideas and plans, my body just wasn’t gonna have it. The good news is I got plenty of quiet time with myself without too much pressure. I’m so glad I said NO to pushing myself.

Giving up. Yeah, today was rough. I’m a terrible patient because I’m so rarely sick. I get moody and grumpy and easily frustrated. I even have mini-meltdowns on occasion. I don’t like it when I can’t go 1000 miles a minute. So, since I couldn’t fill my time with activity, I was forced to really sit with my feelings. and I wanted to give up. Not on my life—I have never been nor will I ever be suicidal—but instead I wanted to give up on school and goals and plans for my future. I’ve really put a bunch on my plate this time: 2 part-time jobs, 9 units of online school, and this website. The demands are significant, and today I really felt the pressure. At one point, I wanted to forfeit my Accounting homework. “What’s the point?” Yeah, the emotions were strong. Fortunately, I was able to walk myself back, and I did the homework. I pushed the time limit, but I got it done and submitted with an hour left. I’m so glad I said NO to giving up.

Staying up late. Homework is done; blog post has been written; it’s time for bed.

So much more to say about the emotions of the day, but I’ll save all that for another day, a day when I’m ready to be vulnerable. Truly, madly, deeply vulnerable.

Until tomorrow…