Day 52: PN23
I honestly can’t remember where I left off in this blog. I know I could read my last entry, but I’m not in the mood to do that. I guess you could say that I’m saying NO to reading the last post. Ha!
Seriously, though, the last few days have been super-challenging. I lost my temper at the restaurant job and then found myself in the office finding out I have no more mistakes left to give. One more misstep / loss of temper, and we will have to “part ways”. Intense.
Next up: the other part-time job is gaining traction. My boss and I are discussing very real ways of growing the business so that she can bring me on full time. Again, intense.
Last night I met with a friend to chat about all-the-life things, including our shared work experiences. We’ve concluded that we are cosmically connected, and that was pretty great to share. I told her about my situation, and we agreed that all will be well in its time. We also agreed that God will provide a smooth financial transition. I choose to believe that.
I just took my last exam in my accounting class & I was feeling good about understanding the material. Apparently not as much as I’d thought. I scored a 68%. Not so intense because I will pass the class & there’s no point in crying over spilled milk.
So what have I said NO to over these past few days?
Being alone in this. I shared my new standing at work with my CPA boss, and it led to a discussion of expansion not condemnation. I shared my new standing at work with a trusted coworker, and it led to a deepening of our friendship and comfort in knowing we are watching out for each other by sharing our observations. I reached out to both of those women, and I was met with honesty, compassion, and support. If I hadn’t, I would’ve stewed and fixated on my anger. By saying YES to trusting others, I feel a little bit more stable as I endure these changing conditions.
Being anxious about school. Yes, I could’ve studied and “done more”, but today the self-care I needed was a 3-hour nap in the middle of the day, grocery shopping, and having drink-time with my neighbors who are SnowBirds. They are returning home while I remain here to sweat out the desert summer. But, if I had sat here anxiously not really studying because of the worry, I would’ve missed out on a beautiful sunset, laughter with others, and developing human connections. By saying YES to putting my anxiety to the side, I was able to let off a little steam and focus on the future. Turns out one of my new friends also wants a C-class RV.
Getting wound up over being perfect. Of course, I wanted an A on my exam. I got one on my 2nd exam so I fully expected one today, too. But, I didn’t read the textbook, and this professor threw some text-only items in there. Of course, he did. I gave it my best shot, but I landed a bit short. And do you know what? I’m choosing to say NO to beating myself up. Not only is this now a past event, there is no point in making myself feel badly about my choices. This week was a roller-coaster, and yet I made it through. My grade in the class is a solid B, and I have 2 homework assignments to go. By saying NO to unrealistic expectations, I am saying YES to grace, mercy, and self-compassion. May this be the beginning of a new habit.
School is nearly done, which is hard to believe. It has been as fast and furious all the way along, and these last few weeks won’t be much different. But, I’m excited to complete this coursework and turn my focus to this website and calming myself down. My life is changing brilliantly, and I don’t want to miss it because I stopped saying NO to the things that have been hindering me all these years. I’m starting to really enjoy the experience of the life-affirming YES.
Until next time…
