Day 5: PN23
For the past several months, I’ve been dealing with an HVAC issue. It stopped cooling in the height of last summer, then it stopped heating this winter. I allowed myself to sweat for a couple nights during the summer because I was too afraid to call the company whose sticker was on the unit (it was installed prior to my purchasing my home), and then I allowed myself to sleep in a very cold home—twice—because I didn’t have the bandwidth to address it. I allowed these discomforts because I was afraid to speak up; I was afraid I couldn’t afford “it”; and I was afraid that I was “overreacting” by asking for help. I am happy to say that the experience has taken longer than desired, but the core issue is resolved. I now have confidence in both the company and their installations so I can rest assured that this won’t pop up again anytime soon.
So how is this a Project NO post?
Because I’m learning to say NO to what I’ve accepted in the past because of what I endured as a child. I’m learning that the experiences of my childhood are more invasive than I’d ever expected, no matter how much work I’ve put into creating and sustaining my mental health. I’m learning that it’s not as hard as some people say it is to take care of your needs. It takes care, and it sometimes takes money, but it’s worth facing the fear and the unknown. I’m worth a safe home environment. I’m worth saying NO to suffering when I don’t have to.
Project NO is about creating space and time for deep healing to take place. I had no idea how much I ignore my needs until Life made me face them via temperature control. Getting my HVAC serviced and repaired, and watching it happen over the span of several months, has really shown me how much healing I have left, and how easy it can be to get my needs met if I’m just honest about them. No masking, no pretending, no hiding from myself.
(Referencing Mar 3)