Day 48: PN23

Day 48. I’ve decided not to mess with the counting of the days because those days missed were still valid and part of this project. I needed these 20 days to figure a few things out and to move into this next phase that this project has helped prepare me for.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve become more aware of what I have to offer. Finishing my tax course has helped me realize that I can do hard things. Going to school and working 2 jobs has shown me that I’m strong, resilient, and amazing. This is all snowballing into a place of me realizing that I’m “done” with one of my jobs, the one in a restaurant. Yes, it’s good money for the time and effort I put in, but it is fading in its being a good match for me. The benefits are waning, and I can see it’s time to release it. I have learned so much, and I am not ready to leave that job, but I am realizing that it’s time to create something new and then step into it.

This website is part of that something new.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have chosen to go-live with this because of a class assignment. What this means is that this website is not ready or finished yet. I have SO MUCH MORE TO CONSTRUCT, but I also need to start letting people know what I am doing. And that is hard. As a neurodiverse woman with enough experience to make me super-cautious, I find this difficult. My sensibilities are to serve people without being seen, but that is no way to make a living. You must become an expert, find a niche, and get known. That’s life in the big city, as my dad would say. The thing about this website is how personal it is. Faith, Gordon. You can do this.

So welcome to this new, even as my posts have been posted and hidden. Please be patient with me, and you may email me at andbothliving@gmail.com in the interim of getting my social and newsletter segments set up.

I guess you could say that I’m saying NO to old habits of hiding and perfectionism so I can say YES to progress. Project NO:2023 is an experiment designed to be a strategy for so many things. Now as I’m getting ready to make it public for my class assignment, I am realizing that experiments cannot be controlled. The outcome is by its nature unknown, and any expectation of it being known before it can be known is unrealistic at best.

YES—I’m growing and learning and changing, which I’ve done so many times in the past. This time, however, I’m going in a direction that is brighter than any I have pursued. A bit oblique, I realize, but as this website and blog continue to take shape, it will make more sense.

Today’s NO = Staying locked inside my head, waiting for the “right time”

Today’s YES = Trusting that the “right time” is now even if I can’t see it yet.

Thanks for reading. Until next time…