Minimum Bandwidth
When last I wrote, I ran a liturgy of my past few years. It felt good to get that out in the open, for all the reasons, but the truth is the days' keep churning. Time waits for no one.
Today is the last day of April (um, how did that happen? ah yes… time waits for no one.), and I am entering a new chapter. Cosmically, this is happening for all of us, but that is not my concern. My concern is my experience because it is just as valuable as anyone else’s AND because it relates to everyone else’s. Yes, I am a humanitarian at heart, but these past few years have really shown me that I must take care of myself first before I can help someone else put their oxygen mask on.
This morning I awoke, and I was taken aback my morning thoughts. As I began to transcribe those thoughts here, I realized this is not the forum for those thoughts. A book sold on this site—Yes. This journal post—No.
But what I can say here, what I want to say here, is that Mental Illness / Mental Health is still so misunderstood. I am not saying that I know everything, but I am an expert in my own experience. These blogs have been helping me refine my thoughts and direction for this website, and my corresponding output to the world, and this morning I got more insight. This morning I was reminded that my own experience, my own voice, isn’t just intrinsically valuable, but it is necessary for myself and others to better understand each other. In the past, we used travel and literature to understand each other; now it’s social media and websites.
I don’t know what’s next, but I have to show that I’m trying. I’m working it out. I know I want to advocate for Mental Health in a non-clinical way. I know I want to share my experiences. I know I have a unique spin that recognizes the impacts of trauma AND the biological truth of Neurodiversity. Even as I build a tax and accounting business. Even as I pursue other interests. What holds me back are all the words people have said to me about “doing too much”. But what if too much is my sweet spot?
So what do I mean by my title. I mean that I am pulling back from a lot of things. I have because of work, but now I am because of overt choice. My trauma has prevented me from doing things I want to do; now my Neurodiversity is requiring that I do them. Which means I have a minimum bandwidth for nonsense, other people’s agendas, and things that don’t interest me.
Max Headroom… Minimum Bandwidth.
Perhaps this And-Both will bring me the balance I personally seek so I can help others find their balance in their unique mental health experiences.
Only Time will tell, and she waits for no one. Glad I’m on that train! =:]